Three Ways to Help Your Child Master Self-Talk
By: Samantha Major
Our children are experiencing a world that is new to all of us. As caregivers, we have not experienced going to school with familiar faces then having to adjust to an isolated virtual education (in some cases more than once). We have not lived through playdates with masks, social distancing and the constant threat of new virus variants. Understandably, we are trying to help our children as we help ourselves. But how do we make sure they truly feel safe amidst all of this instability?
One method is positive self- talk. Many of us try our best to shower our kids with affirmation. However, studies suggest that our internal dialogue is a more powerful determinant of how we see ourselves and handle challenges. Here are some ways to help your child add positive self-talk to their emotional wellness tool-kit.
Explain Self Talk:
No matter your child’s age, it is important to explain what self- talk is. You can tell your younger children that, “using kind words with yourself can make your heart happy”. You can explain to older children that, “internal dialogue is the messages you give to your brain”. Give them a brief oral survey - ask them, “what do you say to yourself when you make a mistake? What do you say to yourself when you look in the mirror?”. Explain that they have the power to feed their mind and heart with positivity. However you explain it, make sure that you do so explicitly so they know what they are seeing when you model it.
Model It:
Every teaching cycle has a model section. It’s what makes learning sticky. Modeling is also what is ingrained in our children’s minds, even more so than our words at times. Modeling self-talk begins with making the most of everyday life experiences. If you forgot your license at home, instead of fussing you can say out loud; “this is a minor setback but I can make sure I still have a good day”. If you’ve had a rough day at work, say out loud ; “some things didn’t go well today but I am proud of how I ______”. Show your children that there will always be some things they will not be able to control, but they can always control speaking to themselves with love and encouragement.
Help them Apply it:
When your children face a challenge, ask them what they think about themselves. If they are struggling with classwork, give them ideas on what they can say to themselves out loud, “I don’t understand this now, but I know if I ask for help I will eventually understand”. If they are frustrated with quarantine, help them identify the positives of their experiences. Eventually, the more they practice narrating their positive-self talk , the easier it will be to transition to their internal dialogue. Also, if you notice them saying something negative about themselves, help them reverse their message into something positive. This will help them do the same independently.
After much practice, you will begin noticing a change in your child and even yourself. In fact, ongoing research conducted at the Mayo Clinic found that redirecting negative thoughts to positive ones can increase life span, lower rates of depression and stress, increase cardiovascular health and provide better coping skills during times of stress. As caregivers, we cannot always ensure external safety but we can give our children the tools to create internal serenity, even in the midst of a pandemic.
Keep us updated on you and your child’s self-talk journey!
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