An Open Letter to My Son
Son I'm not ready to have the talk with you yet. I'm not ready to tell your blackness is hated by more than a few. For now you're free to be a child, running, jumping, climbing in wonder, and I love that innocence you have.
However, soon enough I will have to sit you down, and explain that MLK Jr., your hero was assassinated. The reality that many people still feel a strong hatred towards us, for no reason other than our blackness. It's not over as the cute picture books we read at night try to make you believe, but how do you destroy all the constructs of the world a 5 year old has built.
Yes I've been complicit in the lies your books tell, because Mommy can't seem to find the right words to tell you the truth & simultaneously break your perfect image of the world. I don’t want to tell you that men and boys just like you die weekly, simply because they were presumed guilty without the fair chance of a trial.
With all that's going on it seems more important than ever to clue you in, to get you ready, to prepare you for the hate that some people have for blackness, the way they will shrink from it, and harm it if given the chance.
Yet today I uphold the lie another day, and we climb boulders, you smile, and I tell you I'll always be here and you can do anything, because I want you to hold on to your innocence just a tad longer. For now I’ll fight injustice for us both, as long as it affords us more time for make believe, for play, for innocence.
When I heard George Flyod cry out for his Mama, despite her having transitioned two years earlier, y'all my heart shattered, and again as I write this I am trembling with rage, betrayal, and a deep sadness just recalling the helpless plea. To know that in his last moments all he wanted was the comfort of his Mama's embrace.
We say Black Lives Matter, not because they matter more than anyone else’s, but because America has never made us feel the sentiment. Since the enslavement of my people we’ve been seen as a commodity, and we are tired of it. So now we’re demanding we been seen as human, no more no less, yet still many loudly proclaim “White Lives Matter”, “All Lives Matter”, or “Blue Lives Matter” all the while ignoring our pleas, just as the murderer did Flyod’s.
The reality is George Flyod won’t be the last black men slain, and it was in that vein that my partner and I decided it was time to educate our little one, and start that dialogue. We initially grappled with how, but our ancestors must have heard our collective worry and provided us with an age appropriate resource that was relatable: Sesame Street.
Yep you read that right, good old Elmo, and his daddy hosted a special where they undertook the challenge of explaining racism to young children, and for us it was a great start, but not the end point. What I realized in the end, was we had to start somewhere, and be intentional about it. So with that I wanted to share 5 practical ways to start the RACISM talk with your children, because pretending the world is different or better than it really is, is no longer an option.
Just Start: Stop putting it off, commit to a date and time, and get support if you need it. Ask another parent to join, grab an Aunty, but don’t delay. To be rid of hate we must teach love, and tolerance and waiting upholds the status quo.
Break it Down: We can’t expect our kids to learn about 400+ years of injustice in one sitting, however we can introduce the concepts of race and racism. We can explain that some hold hate in their heart for us due to the color of our skin. We can also firmly state this is wrong. This is a start.
Show them Counter Examples: While sharing this news may make them feel sad, it surely did for our son, it’s important to remind them that there are always good people in the world who will fight for what’s right. We actually then shared some of the protests from around the world so he could see all types of people loving us from afar. This is an important one, so don’t forget to look for the helpers as Mr. Rogers would say.
Don’t make it a one time thing: continue conversations that center on differences and finding value in them. We have to keep it going, if we want it to stick. You can keep it going by finding books, music, events, and films that educate, affirm, and uplift black voices and stories.
Tell the WHOLE Story: It’s important that as we share these injustices with our kids, that we don’t just stick to the stories of enslavement and henceforth. It is critical that we reach back into history to retell the stories of African Kings and Queens and educate them on the whole story.
Of course parents, these aren’t the only ways, but they are a start. Please share with us below how you’re creating space for teachings of love, tolerance, inclusion, and diversity at home with your little ones, we’d love to hear them!
