How I Got a Fully Paid Self Care Staycation!
Running an organization that prioritizes self care requires a lot. It means walking the walk, talking the talk, and not just posting how others should take care of themselves, but modeling our values in our own actions. Now if I'm being real as a mother, a wife, an entrepreneur, and educator that ish is hard as all get out. Some days I don't want to, Netflix binging calls my name more than I care to admit, but when I lean into my self-care practices I'm able to show up for my family, community, and friends in such a better way. Recently I got to indulge in some self-care that was crucial to my growth, and I want to tell you about it, because I want to encourage you to do the same and because I got someone else to pay for it.
As a black woman entrepreneur on a limited budget I have to be strategic about things. That means looking for grants, being innovative about products we develop, and looking for additional streams of revenue we can make as a business. I'm a part of a phenomenal fellowship group that gives a significant stipend for self-care. What’s neat is they make you turn in a self care plan that has to be approved by your coach. When I first filled it out I was in a season of stress. I had worked 3 months straight with no break, literally working 7 days a week for a minimum of 12 hours each day and maxing out at about 15 on the toughest ones. Of course I wasn't taking care of myself, and I remember submitting my self care plan with plans to take my team out on an outing. I was going to sign my son up for swim classes, I was excited about the plan I had.
That was until I got feedback and started looking at my other teammates plans. My coach let me know the plan wouldn’t be accepted, and I’d have to resubmit it. I realized through that tough feedback that my plan was supposed to be focused on taking care of myself, yet it was about trying to take care of other people. I actually needed someone else to tell me that I wasn't doing a good job taking care of myself, because I was so caught up in the go go go. My coach said something powerful to me. She said “When you say yes to them you say no to your kid”. The words literally knocked the wind out of me, and made me cry all the mom guilt came flooding in.
She gently gathered me and then reminded me of the silver lining “You’re an entrepreneur, the commander of your time and you have the privilege to carve out what feels right for you and your family in this moment”. From that day forward I started setting some really clear boundaries, and one of the first was understanding that self-care meant actually taking care of myself. So with this encouragement I went back to my plan, deleted the things that included others, and actually put a staycation on there for myself. I felt guilty about it and what that would mean for my husband and son, but I submitted it anyway. This time it was approved.
I leaned into daily self-care practices like lighting a candle, writing down what went well everyday, and meditating. I also did extreme practices like staying in a hotel for a couple of days by myself to recharge. What did I do? A whole lot of solo self care. I got a pedicure and my nails did and spoiled myself by adding on all the extras. I read, watched TV, took long showers, read some more and worked out all things that make me happy. A year ago I had no idea that there were organizations that would selflessly pour into a black woman entrepreneur like me. By way of God, research, and alignment I found the perfect program that not only helped me to be a better entrepreneur, but also put money into my pockets to specifically take care of me. Not surprisingly, black women entrepreneurs often fail to do so, often caring for everyone else at the expense of their physical, mental, and emotional health.
It's crazy how sometimes we need an outside perspective to let us know “Yo sis you can do better when it comes to loving on you”, and I'll never forget how that reminder came at a time where I felt like I couldn't simply because I didn't have boundaries in place to keep what was sacred sacred. So now here are a few boundaries I've implemented through this journey, and I couldn’t help but share in the hopes that they help you too.
If it happens in the evening and I am not making money I am not coming, because this takes away from my family and me. I literally have a set amount in my mind, and if it’s beneath that count me out. The exact number, given by my coach, helps me see things in black and white and take my over caring heart out of the equation.
I can't join everything and I can't be all things to anyone but me. Being a burnt out version of myself serves NO ONE.
I say NO often.
The last one is probably the hardest one for me, because it's my natural nature to want to help everyone, however a dear friend of mine sent me something and it's been on my phone’s lock screen ever since. It's some really nice ways to say NO, and I promise I use it everyday. When I don't have the words or lack the skill to say it tactfully or the guilt rises high, I look at my phone and I have a go-to phrase. Reclaiming our time often takes time, but having some guiding boundaries makes it easier. What do you do? Share with us down below.
